Knotty or Naughty?

Popular culture has bombarded the netflix top charts with promiscuous movies such as Fifty Shades of Grey or the 365 days, both movies centered around BDSM. BDSM has become an ominous guilty pleasure for many to indulge in- spicing up sex with hints of leather and chains. BDSM, or formally known as Bondage and Discipline and Sadism and Masochism, traces its roots back to the 1780s with Marquis de Sade publishing his graphic sexual novel that first explicitly detailed the processes of BDSM sex (From Freud to America: A Short History of Sadomasochism | Magazine | the Harvard Crimson, 2014). A spectrum of intensity within BDSM sex is evident, with some only engaging in light behaviors such as name calling, establishing a submissive and dominant partner, or even choking and spanking during sex, while others may enjoy receiving or causing pain through rituals with props such as handcuffs, ropes, and more. Later, this leather haven eventually became adopted by Sigmund Freud where he utilized his theories on the subconscious and repression to explain these fetishes, which were viewed as paraphilias, or disorders, at the time. The beginnings of BDSM detail the stigmatization that was, and is, present within our society: BDSM and its traits became diagnosable within the DSM, the official Diagnostic Manual of Psychology, as a disorder. Just as homosexuality was listed as a disorder within the DSM, it was later removed in 2010 as no longer something treatable or diagnosable (Merissa Nathan Gerson, 2015). Despite the transition of its status, BDSM sex is often frowned upon within society as pathological, or often even sociopathic.The de-stigmatization of BDSM sex can only occur through the awareness of what BDSM sex entails and its effects on mental health and relationships.

Due to its sadistic and masochistic nature, many may argue that it is harmful to individuals who participate in this activity as it is a violent act. However, BDSM in its very definition includes affirmative consent and only condones voluntary and consensual behavior: any participation of BDSM should only be with two consenting parties (Cambridge Dictionary, 2023). It plays upon the ideas of restriction and movement, incorporating power dynamics, and exchanging pain for pleasure (Van Der Walt, 2014). Any sort of violence that one subjects themselves under is a voluntary act that they derive pleasure from. BDSM is the practice of asking to be tortured and providing that upon request. Popularized beliefs of the pathological tendencies due to this paradoxical nature of the practice are, however, unsupported. Studies have shown that the kinky population has actually been seen to be more psychologically well adjusted, with no correlation to any sort of pathology (Schiff, 2023). Similar replications have also demonstrated that there were no patterns found between PTSD symptomology, trauma history, and BDSM involvement.

Poor mental health is not a determinant in an individual’s participation within BDSM, but instead a possible proponent of leading a healthier mind. A study measured a control group and BDSM group’s peripheral hormone level, pain threshold, and cognitions after sex, and found that those who did participate had higher levels of endocannabinoid levels (Wuyts, 2022). These chemicals are synonymous to those that are released post- run, where a “runner’s high” can be simulated to replicate euphoria. Not only so, submissives also ranked higher in pain thresholds and tolerances compared to the control. BDSM sex provides an alternative route towards a physical reward, establishing a biological benefit in engaging in this ritual.

Beyond minutes of euphoria, BDSM provides mental training. In order to participate in BDSM, a sense of confidence must be built to assume the role. Just as an acting class would require confidence, BDSM sex unlocks a different primal side of an individual that takes energy to maintain and uphold. The nature of the powerplay within BDSM is one that involves the exchange of agency, teaching individuals to accept outcomes that are out of their control and learn to navigate life with a sense of acceptance through its practice. By relinquishing control, one learns to forfeit power while accepting what comes to them. Not only so, both parties learn to be open to learning about each other's deepest desires, helping one learn to accept the other’s and being vulnerable about one’s needs and wants. This acceptance required within the practice has thus shown patterns in personality: studies have found that those who participate in BDSM have higher scores of extraversion, conscientiousness, agreeableness, openness, and had lower sensitivity to rejection those who do not participate in BDSM ((Fans of Bondage and S&M Report Better Mental Health | NICS Well, 2023). This roleplay may be a way for people to practice empathy and exercise trust.

In order to engage in these borderline-violent acts during such intimacy, communication and trust must be emphasized. The communication of boundaries and preferences is a cornerstone to making it a pleasurable and consensual experience for both. Techniques such as safe words are utilized to ensure that individuals can opt out at any time that they wish. By trusting that the other person would stop engaging in the behavior when using the safe word, it exercises sympathy and vulnerability within a relationship. Those who engage in Consensual Non-Consensual sex, which is often incorporated into BDSM, often describe a therapeutic element to the practice where those who have experienced trauma may empower themselves through the practice. Often individuals who have experienced sexual abuse may reinact those scenarios through their BDSM encounters- the therapeutic aspect comes in through their ability to stop the situation whenever they wish. This requires individuals to learn that they have the power now, and that they are in the position to take control of what happens within a sexual encounter. Agency and control can thus be learned to be redemonstrated within a bedroom, especially within BDSM sex. Beyond just repairing trauma for people, BDSM can also practice love through redistributing the power within a relationship.

BDSM sex provides people with specific social scripts, or specific sequences of routines that should be followed in specific contexts, allowing for a commonly agreed upon role that is taken on by each of the sexual participants. These engrained roles provide people with a way to comfortably play a character without trying to figure out if they are “doing what is right”, as the strict script that is agreed upon within the power dynamics are already predetermined by the parties. These power plays can provide a healing perspective for many couples.

In Time Magazine, a psychologist mentions how she “prescribes” BDSM as a way for individuals to explore facets of their sexuality, rekindle marriages, and even balance power struggles within a relationship. BDSM provides a manner in which someone can roleplay a different character, taking on a completely alternate perspective during sex. She mentions how she would often prescribe it to her clients that feel as if they are not in control within other aspects of a relationship, to redistribute the power play between a system. BDSM has healing qualities that can help establish a more solid foundation to a relationship.

This ability to create a space in which a respectful power dynamic that is consensual is established is, however, seen as taboo. It is currently one of the least researched topics within psychology, with BDSM only appearing in 2 academic journals within the span of 60 years (Morrison, 2022). A cultural stigmatization of its pathological roots, however non-existing, has been a common conception within culture. However, it is a quotidian phenomenon to observe: it is evident that more than 6 million Americans (Ferenchak, 2022) practice BDSM with other studies reporting 68% of people having either one BDSM related fantasy or have practiced BDSM, sadism and masochism are not statistically rare (Brown, 2020). This commonly misconceived statistical deviance is often what perpetuates this stigmatization, but the true proponents of the stigmatization of BDSM can be seen within how our society views sex in general. BDSM is more than sex, however- it is a form of art that heals the soul.

Art is seen through manners beyond paint in Japan. Bondage, being the first element of BDSM, has built itself a reputation; Shibari was an ancient way that the Japanese utilized to tie up their prisoners of war (Ross, 2019). Eventually, it has progressed into different ways to aesthetically create a pattern or also restrict movement for sex, and art. Many practice Shibari in mental hospitals as a form of meditation, and other serious artists also practice it as a way to express their creativity. Accepting BDSM as an art form can be the first step towards destigmatizing this form of sex.

In addition to looking at BDSM from a different lens of realizing that it is a form of art, one way to integrate a better relationship with sex and BDSM is by participating in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. This entails enhancing psychological flexibility and not trying to alter or avoid thoughts and feelings but accepting it. This approach allows an acceptance towards BDSM rather than promoting any feelings of sex guilt that can often influence feelings of self esteem and self worth within a sexual relationship. By having therapists that follow this model, who do not try to change clients’ sexual likings, it provides a safer space for individuals to open up about their sexual fantasies and increase their authenticity with their therapists.

It is through individuals like our therapists that help us construct a moral compass and help us realize how we should understand relationships with phenomena such as sex. The therapist can be seen as a secular priest, but how do priests navigate the topic of sex? It is through religious institutions that many of our moral compasses are built upon, especially regarding our relationship with sex. BDSM has not provided any evidence of any harmful effects to it, and has proven to have physical and mental benefits. Not only so, it has even been viewed as art. But many of the shames that people are aware of for BDSM, especially sex in general, is brought to us due to the need to maintain sanctity, or that it is simply “bad”- but what makes it so bad?

References

Brown, Edward D. Barker & Qazi Rahman (2020) A Systematic Scoping Review of the Prevalence, Etiological, Psychological, and Interpersonal Factors Associated with BDSM, The Journal of Sex Research, 57:6, 781-811, DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2019.1665619

Cambridge Dictionary. (2023, October 11). BDSM. Retrieved October 15, 2023, from @CambridgeWords website: https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/bdsm

Cooney, S. (2017, February 10). How BDSM Can Help Save Your Relationship. Retrieved October 15, 2023, from Time website: https://time.com/4667059/bdsm-relationship-advice/

Fans of bondage and S&M report better mental health | NICS Well. (2023). Retrieved October 15, 2023, from NICS Well website: https://www.nicswell.co.uk/health-news/fans-of-bondage-and-sm-report-better-mental-health

Ferenchak, S. (2022). De-pathologizing BDSM: Towards an integrated kink-affirmative acceptance and commitment therapy model (Order No. 29212056). Available from ProQuest Dissertations & Theses Global; ProQuest One Academic. (2680315962). Retrieved from http://libproxy.usc.edu/login?url=https://www.proquest.com/dissertations-theses/de-pathologizing-bdsm-towards-integrated-kink/docview/2680315962/se-2

From Freud to America: A short history of sadomasochism | Magazine | The Harvard Crimson. (2014). Retrieved October 14, 2023, from Thecrimson.com website: https://www.thecrimson.com/article/2004/10/28/from-freud-to-america-a-short/

Merissa Nathan Gerson. (2015, January 13). BDSM Versus the DSM. Retrieved October 14, 2023, from The Atlantic website: https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/01/bdsm-versus-the-dsm/384138/

Morrison, J. D. (2022). Non-pathologizing theories of BDSM etiology (Order No. 29166648). Available from ProQuest Dissertations & Theses Global; ProQuest One Academic. (2666566169). Retrieved from http://libproxy.usc.edu/login?url=https://www.proquest.com/dissertations-theses/non-pathologizing-theories-bdsm-etiology/docview/2666566169/se-2

Ross, I. (2019, December 12). Japanese rope-tying is more than bondage. Retrieved October 15, 2023, from The Vermont Cynic website: https://vtcynic.com/culture/japanese-rope-tying-is-more-than-bondage/#:~:text=Originating%20in%201400s%20Japan%20to,who%20enjoys%20being%20tied%20up.

Schiff, B. K. (2023). Sexual healing: The role of BDSM as a moderator of trauma (Order No. AAI30426242). Available from APA PsycInfo®. (2841108451; 2023-76638-250). Retrieved from http://libproxy.usc.edu/login?url=https://www.proquest.com/dissertations-theses/sexual-healing-role-bdsm-as-moderator-trauma/docview/2841108451/se-2

Wuyts, E. (2022). BDSM: Pathological or healthy expression of intimacy? European Psychiatry, 65, S805-S806. doi:https://doi.org/10.1192/j.eurpsy.2022.2083